oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
