Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
