billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
