Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
