It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
