Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
