but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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