you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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