I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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