Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
