I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
