I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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