The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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