ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
