its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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