it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
