do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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