i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize