I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
