i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
