I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
