actually, I'm a sock model
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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