I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
