There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
