weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
