i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
