He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
