im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
