This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
