my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We were destined to go to rehab together
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
