mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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