just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
