Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
