The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm getting married
To pizza
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
