I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
