I love black thongs
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
