maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
