Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
