I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
