What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
