the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I DEMAND FORESKIN
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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