I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
