I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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