Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
