Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
