We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
