She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
