I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
