I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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