I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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